to see her ,the bereavement officer asked me if i wanted to see her i said yes, then she came back and said, i couldnt see her she was having an autopsy done, so i went back the next day, it then came to my attention that i could have seen my mum because she wasnt having an autopsy done, untill the following morning. i have spoken to the bereavement officer and she has said that she had made it up because my mum still had tubes coming out of her when i arrived. has she got the right to make this decision for me, i wouldnt have wanted to see my mum like that, but that would surely have been my choice. she has allso told me that she made it up and thought that she was doing the right thing, please tell me what you think, thanks

I'm so very sorry about your loss of you very loved one. I know the pain that you are going through right this minute. The bereavement officer should have given you the choice if you wanted to see your mom that way or not. It was all up to you not her. I would've been mad. But I guess she was trying to protect you. But all I can say time will heal the pain. It's been a year since I lost my father due to a heart attack, talk to someone that you know that will listen to you. You'll be mad for a while…just think of it that you have another angel looking over you.>>hugs<<

I am so sorry your mum has died, it's one of the worst things that happens to us in our lives. In my opinion the bereavement officer should have told you exactly what the situation was and advised you to return the next day, and then the decision should have been yours alone, she had no right to make anything up and in fact the lie she told you must have been as upsetting as the truth would have been. I'm glad that you were able to see your mum once more, I'm sure she was watching over you.

I am sorry for your loss, but if you think about it, all the officer did was the same thing YOU would probably have done (assuming you are kind of heart) to a bereaved daughter if you were in their position.

It was actually the sign of a bereavement officer who actually cares, they see so many dead people every day that sometimes it gets hard to remember they were "real people" before they passed…

Again, I am sorry for your loss.

Hang in there…

You're grieving and questioning everything. I should know, I lost my mom to cancer only 7 months ago and I went to see her immediately after. I can understand what you're going through and I think she was just trying to ease your grieving, a lot of people are going to be doing that now. I'm sorry for your loss, no one should have to go through this but I found a website that may help. www.dailystrenth.com they have a support group called Motherless Daughters for women who've loss their mothers. Good luck.

First off I'am sooo sorry for your loss. What he did was not right he should have told you the condition she was in and that he felt its best for you to wait till the next day he should not have lied to you tho. But Id just let it go he did it to protect you wich is nice but it's still not his right either way it goes.

She did the right thing - don't doubt her for it. She was being kind and protecting you from something she thought it best for you not to see. I lost my mum too a few months ago so I know how hard it is. That lady also probably already lost her mum and was just protecting you that's all.

Really sorry for your loss, she was just trying to protect you she prob didn't want your last memory of your mam to be seeing her like that. but if its upsetting you this much you should talk to an adult close to you.

Tell her you think what she did was total unacceptable and demand to talk to her boss. I'm sorry for your loss and seeing your mum may just have been the closure you needed.

I think the bereavment officer was only considering your feelings after you have just lost your mother. I think she acted in good faith

Talk to someone you care about and can trust

I am sorry for your loss. My father died of cancer 4 years ago, we were with him when he died and sat with the body for almost an hour afterwards. Eventually a doctor asked us to come away from the room and sort out some papers for the death certificate. I was expecting my father to still be there when we returned but he had been taken to the morgue and we were unable to see him until he was at the chapel of rest 2 days later. The undertakes told us that this was their tactful way of not allowing us to see some of the changes that happen to a body after death. I think you will just have to accept that the bereavement office meant well and tried to protect you from having lasting images of your mother that were less than beautiful. I have had to work hard to remove the mental picture of my father dead and replace it with a laughing living image, but in saying that I wouldn't have given up spending his last moments on earth with him for anything.

I am guessing that you are quite young still, please believe that people around you are acting in your best interests, they may make mistakes now and again but try to forgive them as their intentions will be good. People tell all kinds of little white lies to ease our way through life, there is malice intended.

She was trying to spare you some pain - the problem was she should have just said "it's not a good time right now" - the cleaning up process is gory and you wouldn't have wanted to see her like that. It's really better to wait and see them at the funeral home when they are dressed and looking a little more like themselves, then on a cold hard table under wierd lighting with just a sheet.
Be thankful she didn't let you see, and maybe write a note to her that she shouldn't lie - she should have said "I don't think you want to see her right now, let's come back tomorrow." If you think writting a note will help you feel better.

Sometimes when someone has died, the last moments while we had their body with us become so precious that we feel robbed when someone or something prevents us from having every possible one.

However, you must not become consumed by this. You must let it go. Whether the officer did the right thing (I don't think she did) or not is something you cannot change, and it is not something you can hold her accountable for, so you need to focus on the time you did have to spend with your mum in the mortuary and not on the time you didn't.

When my dad died, we visited in the mortuary and then didn't see him again. We decided not to go again, as we were trying to console my mother and get the funeral arranged. I always regretted not making a second visit, to say another goodbye and it ate me up for years. Instead of focusing in on his actual death, and the memories I have, I focused on this one regret that I cannot change.

You have been robbed of your mother, and so you are grieving but try not to let this one event consume all the rest of your experience. Anger and resentment will only eat you - focus on the positives, you have to.